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Short Story
From 'Financial Services'
(Read review)

Doin time. It’s not de udder lads dat get ta ya so much - doe ya gotta be able ta handle yerself, mind - as de screws an shrinks an fuck-witted social workers. De young ones, just outta trainin an new ta de job, seem ta tink dey’re makin a ‘meaningful contribution to society’. De older ones are just stuck in a rut, goin trew de motions, pretendin dey’re doin sometin useful. Dey give ya dese tests ta do, ta suss out what ya’re like, an ya have ta tick yes or no ta loads an loads a stupid questions, like ‘I was fond of excitement when I was young’, or ‘I am troubled by dirty thoughts’, or ‘I would like to be a woman’, or ‘I sometimes feel like swearing’. Fuck me. I’m not messin. Jaysus spare us. Still an all, we all got ta do sometin ta fill de belly, dem de same as me. One a dem told me once dat I was ‘very articulate’. Wasn’t she right? But den dey said I hatta co-operate wid a ‘programme of resocialisation’ when I got released, but who wants ta be ‘resocialised’ when society’s fucked anyway? Look at all dem politicians on de take from businessmen, an priests an nuns carryin on wid little chiselers. I’ve paid me debt ta society. Now I’ve set up fer meself, in a small way.









Den dere’s de no sex. Ya might be in fer six months an get out after three, but ya’re dyin fer a shag after a couple a days. Dey’re supposed ta put some crap in yur food ta stop ya wantin it all de time, but it didn’t work fer me. Everybody pulls deir wire in dere, an dere’s skin mags all over de joint. Ya tink all yur birtdays’ve come tegedder if de librarian - who’s a dog anyway - has a little slit in her skirt, or has a tight blouse on dat pushes her tits out, or - joy a joys, hold me back - de top button has just ‘accidentally’ come undone, an ya can sneek a good goo down her front, when she leans over ta ya at de counter.

First published in the Trinity College anthology, Dogs Shot From Cannons, Wholly Trinity Press, 2000

‘Financial Services’, in the anthology Dogs Shot From Cannons

This book, the second gathering of the fruits of Trinity College’s creative writing course, showcases the work, both fiction and poetry, of fifteen new or newish voices. Some have found success already : one was twice nominated for the Hennessy Award for Best New Fiction……

Desmond Traynor’s story Financial Services starts out seeming to be one type of story but, in a wonderfully bizarre twist, ends up being something quite unexpected.

Dogs Shot From Cannons is a wonderfully wrought window on the world from fifteen unique perspectives of life and living. It would be hoped that some – if not all – of these new voices will be heard again in the near future.

From ‘Unique, new voices form TCD writing course’ by Derek Hand, in The Sunday Business Post, Sunday, October 8, 2000









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